Application Letter Critique

Draft 2:

Blk 123 Hazel Ave 4

#12-345, Singapore 123456

12 February 2011

Human Resources Division

Bank of China Limited, Singapore

4 Battery Road, Bank of China Building
Singapore 049908

Dear Sir/Madam,

Application for Bank of China Limited Management Trainee (Operations & Processing)

I am enclosing my resume, in response to your advertisement for the position of Management Trainee in Operations & Processing on the NUS eJob Centre website. Bank of China Limited is a thriving bank with a prestigious track record, which will be the ideal establishment for me to develop my first career in.

I am currently in my final year at National University of Singapore, pursuing a Bachelor’s degree in Science (Statistics). As an undergraduate majoring in Statistics, I am widely exposed to quantitative data and am required to utilize my strong analytical skills together with various statistical programs to sieve through large amounts of information and analyze key data for my research papers. These analytical and meticulous characteristics are key attributes of a good management trainee in operations & processing in which Bank of China Limited is looking for.

Moreover, as a marketing executive at EmitAsia, a magazine distributor, it is imperative that I have contact with people from all walks of life, thus proving my strong communication skills. On top of that, being the chairperson of the Block D Committee in Sheares Hall has equipped me not only with leadership skills but also confirmed my proficiency in interpersonal communication, hence meeting the key requirements that a Bank of China Limited management trainee should have.

I have also worked with challenging sales targets in both EmitAsia and Antidotebrand and am adept at identifying improvement areas and adopting strategies to achieve a higher sales volume. I eventually achieved 2nd highest sales volume in EmitAsia for 3 months. This is perfect testimony to my ability to identify the needs of my customers and positions the company’s products to their needs. This ability will allow me to effectively streamline the operations and processing procedures to further improve the efficiency in the running of the bank.

With my numerically astute attribute, strong analytical and communication skills, I will prove to be an invaluable asset to Bank of China Limited. I highly appreciate your consideration of my application. Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,

Koh Hwee Teng (Ms)

Draft 1:

8 February 2011

Koh Hwee Teng

Blk 123 Hazel Ave 4

#12-345, Singapore 123456

Mobile: +65 9123 4567

Email: effectivecomm@gmail.com

Human Resources Division

Bank of China Limited

Singapore

Dear Sir/Madam,

Application for Bank of China Limited Management Trainee (Operations & Processing)

I am enclosing my CV, in response to your advertisement for the position of Management Trainee in Operations & Processing on the NUS eJob Centre website. I am currently in my final year at National University of Singapore, pursuing a Bachelor’s degree in Science (Statistics).

As an undergraduate majoring in Statistics, I am widely exposed to quantitative data and am required to utilize my strong analytical skills together with various statistical programs to sieve through large amounts of information and analyze key data for my research papers. These analytical and meticulous characteristics are, I believe, key attributes of a good management trainee in operations & processing in which Bank of China Limited is looking for.

Moreover, as a telemarketer at Great Eastern Life, as well as at EmitAsia, a magazine distributor, as a marketing executive, it is imperative that I have contact with people from all walks of life, thus proving my strong communication skills. On top of that, being the chairperson of the Block D Committee in Sheares Hall has equipped me not only with leadership skills but also confirms my proficiency in interpersonal communication, hence meeting the key requirements that a Bank of China Limited management trainee should have.

I have also worked with challenging sales targets in both EmitAsia and Antidotebrand and am adept at identifying improvement areas and adopting different strategies to achieve a higher sales volume. I eventually achieved 2nd highest sales volume in EmitAsia for 3 months. This is perfect testimony to my ability to identity the needs of my customers and positions the companies’ products to their wants. This ability will allow me to effectively streamline the operations and processing procedures to further improve the efficiency in the running of a thriving bank.

With my numerically astute attribute, strong analytical and communication skills, I am certain that I will prove to be an invaluable asset to Bank of China Limited. I highly appreciate your consideration of my application. Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,

Hwee Teng

Resolving interpersonal conflict.

Multi-level marketing (MLM) is a line of work that I will never be able to fathom. Unfortunately, it is also the profession that some of my friends have decided to commit both their time and soul into. Interpersonal conflict never fails to arise when they attempt to coax me into the business.

T has been a close friend of mine for 7 years. Before she decided to join the MLM company, we were confidants who can talk about anything under the sun. Our friendship changed drastically when T decided to commit herself into a MLM business. Due to the workshops and trainings she had at the company, she slowly transformed into an over ambitious person. I, on the other hand, am an extremely practical person, or some may say timid, as I tend to stay in my own comfort zone. Our clashing mindsets led to the start of our interpersonal conflict.

Our friendship became worse when T approached me in hope of me joining her in the multi-level marketing business. The remuneration of the business is portrayed to be extremely lucrative. However, it requires me to invest a few thousand dollars to kickoff my business. My family’s financial situation definitely did not allow me to fork out the money, and personally, I did not agree with how this type of company works, thus I had to reject her. T was very persistent in persuading me, and eventually I had to resort to avoiding her phone calls and messages. It was a major struggle inside me as I was not willing to join the company, nor did I want to lose this good friend of mine. Ultimately, we did drift away from each other and was never able to go back to the times when we could talk about anything under the sun.

As the Chinese saying goes, “talking about money hurts relationships.” Friends, do you agree?