Multi-level marketing (MLM) is a line of work that I will never be able to fathom. Unfortunately, it is also the profession that some of my friends have decided to commit both their time and soul into. Interpersonal conflict never fails to arise when they attempt to coax me into the business.
T has been a close friend of mine for 7 years. Before she decided to join the MLM company, we were confidants who can talk about anything under the sun. Our friendship changed drastically when T decided to commit herself into a MLM business. Due to the workshops and trainings she had at the company, she slowly transformed into an over ambitious person. I, on the other hand, am an extremely practical person, or some may say timid, as I tend to stay in my own comfort zone. Our clashing mindsets led to the start of our interpersonal conflict.
Our friendship became worse when T approached me in hope of me joining her in the multi-level marketing business. The remuneration of the business is portrayed to be extremely lucrative. However, it requires me to invest a few thousand dollars to kickoff my business. My family’s financial situation definitely did not allow me to fork out the money, and personally, I did not agree with how this type of company works, thus I had to reject her. T was very persistent in persuading me, and eventually I had to resort to avoiding her phone calls and messages. It was a major struggle inside me as I was not willing to join the company, nor did I want to lose this good friend of mine. Ultimately, we did drift away from each other and was never able to go back to the times when we could talk about anything under the sun.
As the Chinese saying goes, “talking about money hurts relationships.” Friends, do you agree?
Sup Hwee Teng,
ReplyDeleteThis is mind-boggling! I have absolutely no idea what advice to give, except that you drop the friendship and forget about her!!! Life is as such: you cannot make friends with everybody. You should be glad you still fond memories about her; BUT let her go, Hwee Teng, if only because you would have also shown your full grace and love! Loving is letting go too, as much as it is holding close!! There must be a balance, was what I meant!! But the way I see it, this is one you have to let go!
Cheers
Hi Hwee Teng,
ReplyDeletethe problem you face has very fortunately not befallen on me before. However, I do have friends in MLM businesses and it is truly 'horrifying' to see the way they have changed after their entry into it.
Perhaps you should make things clear to her that you have no interests in such a business? Even better, you could try asking her why she is so persistent to making you join. Is it because she genuinely wants you to benefit from the program? Or does she just want you to be her 'lower level' (or whatever they call the person you recruit in). By knowing this, you can probably be able to make up your mind as to whether she is still your friend, or has become an unscrupulous business-woman. Hope this helps. Cheers!
Hi Hwee Teng,
ReplyDeleteI am no stranger to this MLM and friendship struggle, so I think I am able to empathize with you\. I used to have some friends who went into MLM, one of which was a close friend from Junior College days.
What I did was similar to what Jake had mentioned, I did honestly tell my friend that I firstly am NOT interested in MLM and more importantly, genuinely treasure our friendship. Fortunately my friend took it in good faith and laid off.
Even though I lost contact with him for a few good months, recently we have been keeping in touch have left this whole MLM jazz long behind us.
I have not heard of your Chinese saying, but I do feel that greed hurts relationships, not really talking about money.
Hope my story gives you a little light at the end of the tunnel!
Hi Hwee Teng,
ReplyDeleteTo directly answer your question, I don't think merely "talking" about money hurts relationships. It's not just money that is the issue here, it's how T wants to impose her views on you.
Assume that T does not intend to take advantage of you (which I highly doubt, as T will always earn more than you). Then T should back away as soon as you express your difficulties and views on joining her business.
Earning money is always a choice, which your friend needs to respect. Unfortunately, when that doesn't happen, you are left with only one option: dump her.
Cheers,
Jinq Horng
P.S. Is it "a" MLM, or "an" MLM?
Hi hweeteng!
ReplyDeletei've heard of the chinese saying before! :) And yes I agree this saying is true to a certain extent. I've seen close friendships gone sour because of money involved, so I can empathize with your problem.
I do feel you should really talk to her properly, like what Jake suggested. Seven years of friendship is a long time, and I'd hate to see it lost just like that.
Hi guys!
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the insightful comments! For your information, T has already left the MLM company and we are on okay terms now, though not as close as before. Maybe action was not taken early enough to salvage the friendship! Oh well. But I am glad that we are still friends!
I do agree that merely talking about money does not hurt relationships as well. It's more of situations involving money, for example when friends want to borrow money, or when something goes wrong in a business cooperation between friends etc. The Chinese saying is more like a way to describe these types of situations.
Greg: For your info, the Chinese saying is 谈钱伤感情! :D
Jinq Horng: I am not sure if it is "a" MLM, or "an" MLM as well. We should ask Brad! :p
Hwee Teng
I like the way you tell this story, Hwee Teng, in a clear, concise manner and then pose the question in response to the Chinese proverb. You've received lots of good feedback. I tend to agree with Jinq Horng in saying that it isn't money that is the issue but the way people deal with it. Your friend was imposing her view on not just money in general but what you should have been doing with yours.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this stimulating topic!
Here are a few minor language areas to consider:
a) ...we were confidants who can talk about anything under the sun. >>> we were confidants who could talk about anything under the sun.
b) The remuneration of the business is portrayed to be extremely lucrative. However, it requires me to invest a few thousand dollars to kickoff my business. >>> ...I MIGHT EVEN PUT THESE SENTENCES IN THE PAST TENSE FOR CONSISTENCY'S SAKE. YOU'RE TELLING THE STORY FROM A PAST PERSPECTIVE, RIGHT?
c) I did not agree with how this type of company works, thus I had to reject her. >>> I did not agree with how this type of company works. Thus, I had to reject her.
d) ... we did drift away from each other and was never able .... >>> ...we did drift away from each other and were never able...
e) MLM? I'd follow this strategy: in a university (pronounced YOUniversity), while in an MLM firm (pronounced EMelem).